I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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