I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
