Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
