I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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