I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
