you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
