Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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