that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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