I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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