It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
