Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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