nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
pop tarts are not kleenex
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
