Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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