as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Watching her eat just hurts me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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