oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
