It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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