is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Watching her eat just hurts me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
