Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
