Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
