I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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