remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You can't special order awesome
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
