We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
