Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
