He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The air was thick with penises
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Two words: blizzard sex
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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