we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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