i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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