there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
