I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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