So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
