I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
