I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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