There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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