just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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