I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
