Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
