shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
