I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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