HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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