Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
