i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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