I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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