i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
