why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
