STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
