i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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