It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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