I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
