My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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