well I can't set my house on fire every night
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
