This dress was meant to end up on your floor
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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