Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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