I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
