I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
